Monday, July 13, 2020

What Is Romantic Love

What Is Romantic Love Relationships Spouses & Partners Print The Phases of Romantic Love By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Updated on January 26, 2020 Cavan Images / Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Romantic love has inspired poets for centuries and been the subject of plays, songs, movies and any other creative or artistic endeavor you can think of. Why? Because, as anyone whos been in love knows, love is complicated and capable of eliciting strong emotions, from elation to heartbreak. Love relationships go through ups and downsâ€"from that initial, intoxicating honeymoon phase to a sense of disappointment, and, ideally, to a state of acceptance and a desire for permanence. It can be challenging to move through these phases, but the reward is a healthy, long-term relationship. The Phases of Romantic Love The following phases are involved in romantic love: Infatuation During the infatuation phase, also known as lust you feel exhilaration, passion, and elation when you and your lover are together. Neurochemicals in the brain, such as dopamine and norepinephrineâ€"also known as the feel-good chemicalsâ€"are released.?? These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, sometimes leading to decreased appetite and insomnia. You actually can be so in love that you can’t eat or sleep.   The high you feel during the infatuation phase leads you to idealize the other person and want to be with them constantly; you think about them all the time. Because this person seems perfect during this phase, you are also unable to see your lovers flaws and shortcomingsâ€" hence the saying love is blind. Typically, the infatuation phase lasts for around six months to a year.?? Reality Sets In The first sign that the infatuation phase is wearing off is a sense of disillusionment. You start to notice habits and flaws in your partner and become critical of some of his or her behaviors and attitudes. Some of the same traits that you found so attractive at first start to show their downside. (For example, someone who seemed confident and decisive at first might now seem rude and close-minded.) Additionally, as the high wears off, you both start to show your true personalities and arent as forgiving and unselfish as you were when your partner seemed like he could do no wrong. While at first, you may have gone out of your way to accommodate the other person, you may start to feel like your own needs arent being met. As idealization fades, you may find yourself feeling resentful that your partner is no longer causing that wonderfully intoxicating feeling anymore. In some cases, serious problems, like addiction  or abusive tendencies, can reveal themselves, and potentially be dealbreakers. Getting through this phase requires the ability to compromise, to speak up about your needs and wants, and to learn how to resolve conflict productively. Rather than trying to change your partner, your focus should be on learning to respect each other. You will discover if, ultimately, you both have the desire to make the relationship work despite challenges. Facing inevitable challenges, however, doesnt mean the underlying feelings of love and attraction go away. Being able to manage the inevitable bumps in the road is a good indicator that the relationship can evolve into something more long-lasting and stable.   Sticking with a person who inspires romantic feelings, and communicating your dreams, desires, and thoughts with one another can lead to true intimacy and attachment, the next stage of love. Mature Love Just because the passion doesnt stay red-hot and unrelenting doesnt mean that love doesnt continue. Mature love is the kind of devotion found in long-term relationships and successful marriages. In mature love, two people are together because they want to be together and not just because they feel an irrational desire or need to be with one another. Signs of mature love include acceptance, emotional support, commitment, calmness, respect, caring, kindness, friendship, and consideration. Cementing this phase is oxytocin, sometimes called the cuddle hormone, because it compels you and your partner to get close and to bond. In fact, scientific research suggests that the brain activity of couples in mature relationships is very similar to the brain activity of those newly in love.?? Just because youre not pining for the person doesnt mean its not true love;  in fact, mature love is usually deeper and more meaningful (not to mention much more sustainable) than its younger counterpart. Is Love Biological or Is It a Cultural Phenomenon?

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